Here's one bloke who could use a good relaxing handy...

'tis but a flesh wound

John Stirling is believed to have been cutting a tree when his chainsaw slipped and cut his arm off below the elbow in Telscombe Cliffs, near Brighton, East Sussex. His neighbour, Steve Francis, told how Mr Stirling turned up on his doorstep after the accident.

He wasn't screaming, he was as relaxed as can be. I ran inside to call the ambulance and he sat outside on a stool. I came out and tied his arm up with a belt and towels. The ambulance people talked me through it. But through it all he sat there talking away like it was normal. When the ambulance came they put him on a stretcher and asked where the arm was. The paramedics were working on him so I went up the road and put it in a plastic Tesco shopping bag. I then put it in another bag with frozen pastries in to keep it cold. Then I gave the bag to one of the paramedics and hey took it to hospital in the ambulance. He's a brave man, I'll give him that. I couldn't believe he didn't faint.

I'm raising a Guinness to you, you total badass you. And I hope the nurses give you a hand with your problems.