When TSO met Skye

In the time of chimpanzees I was a monkey…

OK, SKYE:

NOW, TSO:


You can see where this is leading….

*What a gorgeous day. Perfect little town, good Americans to enjoy it with, and he’s about to meet a beautiful, intelligent and conservative girl! This is gonna be great*

*Are you for real? How long have we lived in this brain together? It NEVER turns out great. Personally, I’m on record saying this will be the worst idea since Michael Jackson picked up rhinoplasty as a hobby*

*Oh shush. It will be fine*

*Sure it will. As soon as he sees a pretty girl he goes from genius to Rainman. Check in with me when he tells her he gets his underwear at K-Mart, K-Mart in Cincinnati. I hope Lilyea got here before us, otherwise this could be painful*

*Ok, there she is, let’s see how he does*

TSO: Hi there, you must be Skye!

*Wow, did you noodle that through on your own Kreskin? Who else could it be? It ain’t Estelle Getty*

TSO: [Goes to shake Skye’s hand]

SKYE: [Gives TSO a hug]

*See! Isn’t that sweet?*

*Sweet? He just hugged her like she brought home the bronze at the Special Olympics. This guy has all the moves of a fifth grader standing against the wall at a school dance*

*Stop it, he’ll be fine*

TSO: So, how are you?

*Why do we waste all the time reading poetry when this guy resorts to “How are you” in 4 seconds? Why not tell her how the road diverged in the wood, and you took the one less travelled, to Pathetic-ville, population 1, where you play computer games in your basement?*

*Stop it*

TSO: So….I brought you a present. This is a flag I had flown over Camp Cherry- Beasley in Afghanistan, I thought you might like it. Just wanted to thank you for everything you do for the guys.

SKYE: That is so sweet, thank you. [Nice smile]

* See, told you it was sweet!*

*Still say we should have gone with a bottle of Tequila. He looks better after a bottle of Tequila*

*Stop being mean, he’s doing fine*

TSO: Looks like you have a really good turnout.

SKYE: Yeah, this is the best we’ve had, even have a group of bagpipers and the Knights of Columbus.

TSO: That’s really awesome.

*Dear God this moron is killing me*

*No, he’s doing fine, good eye contact and everything*

*It’s just a matter of time before he pulls a Stan Marsh and that Steak, Egg and Cheese bagel makes an appearance again*

*She has nice eyes*

*Great, when he notices her big brown eyes he’ll start thinking about something dumb like Charlie and the Chocolate Factory and we’ll be lucky if he doesn’t break into the Oompa Loompa song*

*Maybe we’ll get lucky and he’ll do some Van Morrison*

*You know, I think that song is about…*

*It is not, stop it*

[Lilyea arrives]

TSO: Damn dude, what’s with the gay shirt? Got a pride rally later?

Lilyea: Bite me, you look like you have Down’s Syndrome.

[Later, at the Knights of Columbus Hall]

…Quiet chatting between Skye and TSO….

SKYE: Let’s get a picture together.

*Dear God no*

*For all that is holy, stop this*

TSO: That would be a bad idea.

Lilyea: Shut up and let me get the picture.

SKYE: Are you blushing?

*No, he’s about to go all Chernobyl on us*

TSO: Told you I was shy, you just didn’t believe me.

[Speeches going on]

LILYEA: What do you want to drink?

*Beer, get a damn beer*

*Actually, it can’t hurt. And maybe he can pass off his bright red pallor as intoxication*

*Whatever, just so he relaxes*

[Later on SKYE is giving a speech]

SKYE….And I just want to tell everyone in this room that I love you guys, and that is why I do this….

*Aw, that is so sweet*

*Don’t get worked up, she was clearly talking to the kid picking his nose over in the corner*

[The speeches over, TSO prepares to leave]

TSO: Well, it was so nice meeting you, I really appreciate you inviting me.

SKYE: I’m so glad you came, you should come up any time you want.

TSO: Great, thanks, I will.

Skye gives TSO a good-bye hug.

*Way to go Cyrano, at least no one got hurt this time*

*Stop it, that was fun*

*Yeah, for what we have to work with, it wasn't a "Oh the Humanities" level disaster*

[Meanwhile, over in Skye’s head]

*Well, that guy was every bit as moronic as advertised*

*Yeah, I think Lilyea said he had Downs Syndrome*

*Want to go sniff glue and try to purge our memory of meeting him?*

*Don’t think Elmers will cut it, grab the rubber cement*



Good TSO played by Ned Flanders:

Evil TSO played by Stewie Griffin:

ON EDIT: For those who want to see what I said about SKYE earlier, the wayback machine has my post on what Skye was looking for in dating.