Farce in the time of Cholera: The not so under oath testimony of IVAW

UPDATE: If you wish to listen to this nonsense, go here.
UPDATEx2: Bio and picture of Matthus found here.
UPDATEx3: A much better blogger than I, Jonn "the wildman" Lilyea has his post and pics up.

Lilyea sent along this picture of the Great Montalvan.

No word on whether he put himself to sleep or if this is narcolepsy.

OK kiddies, here we go. TSO is back in his Attila the Celt chair, ready and eager to listen to the testimony of the heroes of IVAW and give you a blow by blow commentary on the asshattery that will ensue before the Congress. And by "Congress" I of course mean only those Members of the Progressive Caucus that actually go.

So, stand by for good times. It should have all the allure of watching John Tesh conduct an orchestra of homeless people play trashcan lids. It should be as exciting as playing lawn jarts while blindfolded. As dangerous as shaving your arse with Greg Louganis' razor. As soothing as cleaning a scrotal laceration with hydrochloric acid. As sexy as Rosie O'Donnell in a coconut bikini. As (ok, ran out of similes, make up your own.)

So, this is who we have to look forward to, from IVAW's homepage:

Jason Lemieux: Originally from Tupper Lake, New York, Jason Lemieux served as an Infantryman with the Third Battalion, Seventh Marines. He served three tours in Iraq, serving in Karbala, Husaybah and Ramadi. He was honorably discharged from Active Duty with a Good Conduct Medal and a Combat Action Ribbon on July 9, 2006.

Lemieux will testify on loose rules of engagement, the killing of innocent civilians, and the hiding of these killings through falsified reports and cover-ups.

Scott Ewing: Originally from Providence, Rhode Island, Scott Ewing enlisted in the army in 2004 as a cavalry scout. He deployed to Iraq with the Third Armored Cavalry Regiment in March of 2005.

Ewing will testify on "Operation Restoring Rights" in Tall Afar, civilian deaths, house raids, destruction of civilian property, and misrepresentations of the war in the media.

Geoffrey Millard: Originally from Buffalo, New York, Geoff Millard joined the NY Army National guard in1998 at the age of 17. He served for 9 years including tours of duty at ground zero after 9-11 and for 13 months in Operation Iraqi Freedom.

Millard will testify on endemic racism during his tour of Iraq, including among high-ranking Army officers.

Kristofer Goldsmith: Originally from Long Island, New York, Kristofer Goldsmith deployed to Iraq in 2005 as a Forward Observer with the Third Infantry Division. He served in Sadr City and Baghdad, and was stop-lossed after returning from Iraq.

Goldsmith will testify on low morale and the psychological consequences of the "troop surge," as well as the breakdown of Iraqi infrastructure.

Vincent Emanuele: Originally from Chesterton, Indiana, Vincent Emanuele served as a Rifleman with the U.S. Marine Corp. He deployed to Iraq in 2004, and served in Al Qaim and Al Asad.

Emanuele will be testifying on the killing of civilians and livestock, the use of drop weapons, racism, and the destruction of property.

James Gilligan: Originally from Sayreville, New Jersey, James Gilligan served six years with the Marine Corp as an Infantryman and Combat Engineer. He was deployed to Iraq, Afghanistan, and Guantanamo Bay, and was awarded two Combat Action Ribbons, the Good Conduct Medal, and the Presidential Unit Citation.

Gilligan will testify on the abuse of civilians, looting, destruction of property, racism, equipment shortages, media misrepresentation, and "search and avoid" missions.

Adam Kokesh: Originally from Santa Fe, New Mexico, Adam Kokesh volunteered in 2003 to go to Iraq with the 3rd Civil Affairs Group out of Camp Pendleton. He was attached to the First Marine Regiment, which was responsible for the Fallujah area.

Kokesh will be testifying about the creation of internally displaced refugees during the siege of Fallujah, changing rules of engagement, taking war trophy photographs, and abuse of detainees.

Sergio Kochergin: Originally from Bucks County, Pennsylvania, Sergio Kochergin served two tours in Iraq in a scout/sniper platoon with U.S. Marine Corp.

Kochergin will testify on loose rules of engagement, killing of civilians, dehumanization, and the use of drop weapons.

Luis Montalvan: Originally from Washington D.C., Luis Montalvan was an Army officer who served two tours in Iraq with the 3rd Armored Cavalry Regiment. Montalvan worked extensively with General Petraeus in Southern Baghdad and the Western Nineveh Provinces. He was awarded over 30 decorations, including two Bronze Stars and a Purple Heart. In January-April of 2007 he worked with the American Enterprise Institute as a member of the Iraq Planning Group.

Luis Montalvan will testify on fraud, waste, and abuse perpetrated by U.S. contractors, negligence and dereliction of duty on the part of commanding officers, and misreporting on the "troop surge."

So, stay tuned for the good times that will ensue. I intend to just alter this post as they come in, so if anyone out there has a blog with an interest, they can link here.

As a primer, you should go read Kokesh's testimony which he posted at his website. I know for my part that this is the guy I look forward to hearing from the most:

We will also be joined by attorney Mike Lebowitz, who served in Iraq as a paratrooper with the elite Pathfinder Company of the 101st Airborne Division, and is currently a JAG captain with the Virginia Army National Guard where he serves as a defense counsel for the 29th Infantry Division, providing legal assistance to troops subject to adverse action.

In light of Mr. Lebowitz's testimony, I move we alter the 29th motto accordingly to reflect, "Let's Go! Up to the Hill and malign the 29th!" We went from Thomas Dry Howie, the Major of St Lo to Mike Lebowitz, the Captain who brought us to a new low.

Question for any leathernecks out there:
He [James Gilligan] was deployed to Iraq, Afghanistan, and Guantanamo Bay, and was awarded two Combat Action Ribbons.

Two? It doesn't work like the CIB where you only get 1 no matter how many instances in various countries? Or is this guy a Desert Storm holdover?
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I love this stuff, God how I love it. Congresswoman Lynn Woolsey is on the radio right now talking about the hearing itself. She's downplaying attendance at the hearings already, saying the timing is not good for big attendance. (Today is the vote on appropriations for FY08) Oh the huge manatees.

"The only money we should appropriate is for redeployment."
"Hope we get press for these wonderful veterans."

She's lamenting that IVAW's farce is not covered by the Washington Post, which marks the first time since the sports guy said UMASS should be in the NCAA tourney that I applaud the Post.

The radio station is rapping Pelosi for being a warmonger. And now she's saying that the public has finally caught up to her on knowing we need to surrender. She may have used a different word, but that was what she said.

Lillyea is inside. He's being protected by Coby. Seriously, Coby is built like an Abrahms, so should be interesting.

Ugh, now they are playing lowlights of the WSI with some soft guitar music in the background. I have a envelope opener shoved in my ear, if it gets too bad, I'm going to take the easy way out and just stab myself in the brain.

For the love of Spongebob, there is sobbing in the background of these audio files, which complements the musak guitar solo like topping a turd sandwich with rotten mustard.

IT IS NOT UNDER OATH. IT IS NOT UNDER OATH. IT IS NOT UNDER OATH.
It pained the radio guy to just say that.
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OK, so here comes Lynn Woolsey's opening statement.

She owns half the Golden Gate Bridge. Presumably she means that is in her district. She's rambling bad. Already downplaying attendance. Apparently 80% of the 60 chairs in the hearing room are full. I imagine Coby takes up 3, and Lillyea is probably laying prostrate across another 3 or 4.

Apparently the testifiers are really really really brave for testifying.

"Iraq is the most important foreign policy failures in recent history. What a waste we have set ourselves up with."
Petreaus and Bush et al come up with power points which are not true, what makes this unique is that we can now hear directly from you who put your lives on the line for this President's failed policies. This is an extention of the WSI hearings in Silver Spring etc etc etc.

I want to shove a crayon up my nose a la Homer Simpson to block out all thought.

She's running through the history of "Winter Soldier" from Ghenghis Khan to today.

Looks like we will have various panelists. All the testifiers brought their own councel. (Good for them, they should, even not under oath.) 9 minute time period per speaker. Either way, Montalvan is not gonna make it I fear. Several panels apparently. 5 to a panel, 2 panels, then questions. Millard will finish it all up with his nonsense.
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Congresswoman Lee: She went to WSI. (I must have missed her.) She's talking about the Amendments to the DoD bill. Lamenting more money will be in the bill.

Says we've heard from everyone except from the troops. (Invite Bellavia to testify Ms. Lee, look forward to that testimony.) We are here to bear witness to the troof of IVAW.
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Wow, that is it on Congresspeople.

KELLY DOUGHERTY

Exec Dir of IVAW. Thanks the CPC (Cong Prog Caucus). Says there were over 200 IVAW at WSI. (They were apparently disguised as geriatrics.) Continuing her duty to fellow human beings. Won't be easy to hear their testimony. (9 vets will testify now she says.) These stories are heartbreaking and disturbing and the real-lived experiences. "Occupation" is the word used most often. Human cost is what they will address. If congress wants to know the true cost, you must listen to us. One step in the process is listening to these veterans today. Kelly says they verified. She says not under oath, but wishes they were.

Came back angry and disillusioned, so she started IVAW. 1200 vets in IVAW now she says. While many have taken off uniforms, we are still working to bring our brothers home.

JASON LEMIEUX

Secretary of the Board for IVAW. Widespread destruction in Iraq. Painful to cut to 9 mins. Only the tip of the iceburg. 3 tours. Lima Company was ordered to shoot any suspicious persons, chain of command would take care of them. Even if they provided false info.

Extended to be an intelligence guy within unit. Morale plummetted, they used excessive force. ECP2 in Ramadi. Near Tamin city. During deployment, Lima guarded 24 hours a day. Sniper attacks. He submitted a report on one such attack. They took 4 rounds one day, and responded with hundreds and hundreds of rounds. Including tank rounds, even into civilian areas. "They were just shooting because everyone else was."

Lima Co XO asked for report, and then accused Lemieux of altering reports to meet his political views. Now he's defending his report. Report was falsified by the XO. We only know about this one because ECP2 was close enough to hear.

Ordered to disregard ROE. Shoot unarmed civilians. Understood they would be protected. His unit loyalty is not to America or Iraqi's, it is to each others safety at expense of everything else. He was ordered to falsify documents by his commanders. 3rd Batt, 7th Marines declined due to the inevitable mental breakdown of troops in combat.
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SCOTT EWING: (No IVAW page)

19Delta. Civilian Casualties, Detainees, and Searches.

More civilians killed by the US than by the enemy. In Tall Afar. Went into a compound, 6 men against wall. Dead women on ground. Apache had launched rounds into the compound. He's providing aid now.

*Anon (a different one) seems to indicate I was too harsh on the 29th JAG. So, I take it back for now, hope he is right.*

Now Detainees. We detained 3 men because they were running. No evidence they did anything wrong. An old man approached after shot in foot, 4 of his friends were with him. They questioned them, in town for funeral, used a chem detective kit, no one had read the instructions.

Searches now. LTC Hickey said that if we tear apart house we lose the support of the people. In Sep 2005, large mission, cleared the entire city. "Search Aggressively" They basically destroyed the houses. All of this happened under supervision of the LT and PSG. (Showing slides.) Not behavior that would make headlines, it is important because of losing respect of people in Tall Afar. Again lamenting Loyalty over other traits.
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MY BESTEST BUDDY- GEOFF MILLARD

Thanks everyone for listening to soldiers. Summer of 2005, a year is a month, a month is a day, not sure what he is saying. Generals Secretary mad that he was one. Briefing story AGAIN. TCP shooting. (Christ, make UP A NEW STORY.) Mother Father and 2 children were killed. COL Rochelle 42ID, said "If these f'ing Hadjis learned to drive" Pansy ass radio edited it. Will get from Lilyea.

Everyone is a racist. "Hadji" is apparently the worst thing EVER. Then notes it is a saying of respect in ME, but we meant it bad, so it is bad. Like "Gook." (Really? Gook is a word of praise in Vietnam?) Entire unit was racist, he tried to address it, but couldn't.
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Some new guy, missed name 'cause BNG called. (Goldsmith)

Was not duped by recruiters, all I ever wanted to do. That dream turned into nightmares. Joined to kill people. Changed his mind, now not a racist.

Bunch of pulp, no specific statements, plus he's showing pictures, which work VERY WELL over the radio. My guess it he's showing slides of Itchy and Scratchy, but who knows.)

Discussing presence patrols. (Shouldn't a Congressperson already know what they are?)

They faked humanitarian aid. Bechtel's Dry Run, by Dahr Jamail. (Which is always believable.)
The state of the city was in dire need of repair. More on lack of Potable Water and prevalence of sewage. He left 3 years ago, but he knows that it is now worse there. (I'm guessing he has Saruman's Palantir and watches the scene daily.)

More pics. Kids playing in poop. Trash. Sewage next to hospital. Pictures of dead Iraqi faces.
He was stop-lossed. And the military cuts off limbs of soldiers who get hit. (Not sure point here.)

He tried to commit suicide, and can't get the GI Bill, and McCain is trying to kill the money for GIs.

Ugh.
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End of first panel.

Congresswoman Maxine Waters: She's friends with Millard. Blah blah blah blah. Killings, executions of "suspected" people. Wonders who are those people? No one will ever know? (Maybe you should ask Mr. Owl.) She's moved by Goldsmith's testimony. Powerful, moving, she needed to be contained from applause. (I needed to be contained from biting down on the cyanide tablet hidden in my wisdom tooth by the Army when I was in a top secret unit.) More praising of Goldsmith. On verge of tears. (Me, not her.) She says she will get him his GI Bill, she will personally work on it. He says that telling his story is therapeutic. Says there are lots of people sitting alone in the basement yelling at foxnews to deal with their problems. (Buy an XBox dude. Or get a hobby. Like making things out of little sticks. Like a trebuchet. Then climb in it and throw yourself somewhere. Not a sermon, just a thought.)

(Apologize for the errors in spelling folks. Typing fast here.)

Some Congresswoman now, missed name. (UPDATE: Shiela Jackson Lee from Texas.) Let us welcome these vets to Washington. Bring 100,000 of your people. (1.2% of the way to that goal! Maybe we should let the war go on 66 years so you can get enough peeps?) No authority to be in Iraq. War illegal, someone is poisoning the minds (Presumably the Bush Family Evil Empire and Darth Rove with his brain-wave machine.) She's essentially advocating revolution here, not sure where she is going. Wants a Day of Honor, offerred as an amendment last night, so will look it up later to see who it is.

Now Congresswoman Barbara Lee with questions.
How does seeing all this affect your mental health and how do we move forward to stop suicide attempts don't occur and help with PTSD? (Yes, by all means let's ask the Doctors of IVAW)

Goldsmith: 1 week at basic doing bayonet training. (BS) Stab a dummy and yell kill with every movement. This is horrible. (I personally hugged the dummy's and occassionally gave their rubbery backs little hugs and whispered sweet nothings into their ears, but that's me, I'm a lover not a fighter.) Blood Blood Blood makes the grass road.

Millard: We didn't wait for VA, started our own PTSD group. We are not waiting for politicians to end the war, we end it every day. Start simply by getting people into college. (College is a panacea for PTSD.) Should be more mental health in VA. (Finally I agree with him.)

Woolsey (?): How do you deal with grief individually?

Jason: Got counselling at the VA but from an intern. Moved into the Soldiers Project. Psychologists who work for free. (Sounds like a good program, will look it up later, but maybe throw these people some praise.)

Ewing: He gets involved in IVAW to deal with grief.

Millard: Wearing the black shirt (IVAW) is what keeps him going.

Goldsmith: (I think, possibly not). Talks about VA claims backlog. He self medicated. He spent all his money on teh fire water.
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Panel 2 now. (Marcy Kaptur is now in da house. Praise where it is due, I like Marcy. She was the driving force in the WWII memorial, so hats off to her. She's still not right on this issue, but she does seem to care)

Announcer is saying 3 congresswoman cried, and one blogger nearly smashed his computer, however no animals were hurt in the recording of this farce. (This may only be 1/3 accurate)

VINCENT EMMANUAL

He talked to his platoon prior to testimony and this will be what he discusses. Pot shots taken at random cars in his town. Cars would pull off and stop, and his PLT would still kill the peeps in the car. Not isolated, happened most of the 8 months.

Mission to destroy bridge, fought out of ambush. Impossible to identify targets, thus, fired into town with no ID. A Marine was killed at a retrans site. (Al Quaim or something like that) Mortar fire daily, mortared them back. They would drop PUCs off in middle of the desert. Punching kicking... (Just see my take on his WSI testimony, because it is verbatim)

Mishandling the dead. Run them over. (Word for word the same, so resting my find-and-peck typing fingers.)

Just used the term "Sand-N*s." Wow. No intention of helping the Iraqis. Disdain and distaste. Did not trust command either. Attacked by those in unit if went for PTSD help. Many, like himself, turned to drugs and alcohol. (I turned to Warcraft.)

James Gilligan (No page)

Also tried to kill himself. Hates the entire GWOT. Talking about miclicks. (The demining thing.) Leaders were incompetant. Airpower pounded the hell out of the area with DU rounds. More on DU. (DU, DU, DU everywhere!) Today is CO day. (Is it? Didn't know that.) 1SG: "What if those ragheads broke into your house and raped your daughter."

He never fired his rifle, even though under attack. Did not believe in free fire orders, not moral. Search and Avoid. Marines in Fallujah used bayonets. (Not sure point) Now he's talking about how bad Family Readiness Groups are about spreading rumors. (He's right.)

Helicopter crash, asked to go to site to aid pilot, told no, don't go. (More stories, none of which really go anywhere.) Destroyed some dudes car, stole stuff, did bad things. He was a tunnel rat in 'Stan. His unit breached a safe and stole money from a safe. He gave up his SAPI plate to another guy. Inadequate armor. Plastic doors on humvee. HE was in an NBC recon unit.

1SG of HHS ran down kid etc etc etc. Heard this one at WSI also. Threatened the kid.
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Keith Ellison (first Muslim Rep now there too.)

ADAM KOKESH

Talking about his background. Joined to be a hoo-rah marine. Volunteered for Civil Affairs. bashing the Pres etc. Now showing ROE card. "They couldn't even cut the card square." (Holy Sheep dung batman! They gave you an assymetrical ROE card? Nazis!)

Reading ROE card.

Fallujah Blackwater story. CP shooting, same story as WSI. The slide of the car blown up again. Guy blown back in seat. (Radio guy: Looking at picture of incinerated skeleton".) Picture is a "trophy". Quoting the VVP guy again: "Don't ever let your government do this to you." Same old, same old.

Women and Children to leave city, but families had to be seperated. Not magnanimous. (Incontheievable!) Deliberate or careless attitude towards refugees.

"Marines shooting up firefighters" story again. We were there to make it look good, not to actually do good. He has names, dates, grid coordinates. (None of which means jack shite since nothing seems to have violated the RoE, and I don't need a 8 digit to know war sucks.)
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Sergio Kochergin

Found left behind vehicles. They were used for a car derby. Then they destroyed the cars. Dead Iraqis everywhere. Led a family to the corpse of some dude that was killed, everyone cried.

Najaf- Only humanitarian work was to paint a park.

Al Sadr- Our unit was on a task force to arrest him. Spent time training for raid. Then mission was cancelled. No one told him why. (Um, maybe because you were a CPL? Just guessing here) Al Sadr apparently a bad guy, who knew?

Orders from command was to rough up everyone, trust no one, put as much fear in them as possible. Nothing in Najaf was ever fixed. Instill fear.

Second deployment was to el anbar.

Drop Weapons. Flyers posted that snipers were killing civilians. They also carried shovels as drop items.

Had Vietnam flak, an M16, no night vision, where was all the money going? Generals and others had everything good. He's on verge of tears. Was called a "friggin coward" by his command. Doctors don't care, just hand out drugs. Story of the marine who killed himself.

Lillyea just called, he popped smoke. Same as last time. yup, sure is.
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MONTALVAN (Montalvan is a one name cat for me, like Cher, Shrek and Bono.)

I love puppies, rainbows, unicorns, strong masculine men, and the smell of petchuli clinging to my clothes. (Actually, I blocked it out, so that might not be what he said.)

Some guy died and this is a letter to him. (Some guy named Ted).

Here's his blog.

Corruption, negligence, dereliction of duty. (OK, this is the guy.)

(For you 7 people reading this, I really tried to blog Montalvan, I just can't do it. I'd rather go line dancing with Richard Simmons, Bea Artur and Mr. T. than listen to this.)

Montalvan has 1 minute, skipping down, Lee Dynamics are criminals, no accountability, no SOP, something something something.

He's coauthored a ton of things, beaten his drum, raised issue of dereliction of duty by generals and they perpetuate lies. Strongly urges you to take measures. (Thank God, He's done)

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Congresswoman Marcy Kaptur Discussed more funding for VA, important message, being rather moderate. Can't say I argue with much she is saying.

Question: ROE. Were they unclear?

Someone answering that ROE is confusing. I think it is Adam.

Congressman Keith Ellison starts to speak, but alas.....

Taking a break to vote. Back in a minute says Ellison, Kokesh says great, bring everyone back.

I'm in my office giving myself a wedgie. I may give myself a swirlee in a minute too, in solidarity with the plight of someone or other.
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Not a single thing here was new. Not one iota of interesting factoids.

And now the radio is interviewing Millard, with Montalvan to follow. This make announcer has a serious crush on these dudes.

New Memo via Millard, while there is only 7 Congressmen, there are a ton of Staffers, so this is great! Huge movement! (Insert scatological reference here)

Some guy is going to refuse to return from IRR in the upcoming testimony Millard says.

Montalvan on the radio again.

He pontificates with such emphasis, his words are so disjointed that by the time he strings together a verb and a noun you are decomposing. Every single syllable is like the shock and awe of his vocabulary. I can not understand a single thing he says. He does for the spoken tongue what Gilbert Gottfried does for seduction.
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It's over.

I believe it was Kurtz that said it best: "The horror, the horror."

Still on the radio, interviewing Kokesh and some other guy. Kokesh is saying Marines are over-represented in the IVAW. Wow. Take that USMC!

OK, it's about time for TSO to sign off and go do the crying game shower. Like Ace Ventura finding out that Einhorn and Finkle were the same person, I'm going to use a brillo pad and chlorox and then go beat puppies until I get my self-esteem back. (You know, cause all us on the right who are veterans are evil, barbaric, war loving maniacs.)
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OK, spoke too soon, looks like it ain't over until the fat lady sings, and she may not be in attendance.

A Jersey Congressman (Payne Confirmed, Payne) spoke, and now some other final thoughts from the CPC.

Some Congresswoman now discussing status of bills on redeployment. She then says she will get with Kokesh to get the names, dates and grid coordinates.

Asks about Fallujah, clearly didn't know there were 2 battles of Fallujah. Kokesh more on easy over right and failing at both. (This is like a mantra to him. I think he is likely rocking back and forth and contemplating getting more underwear at K-Mart, K-mart in Cincinnati.)

Kokesh blaming deaths on the State Department. (WTF?)

Ellison speaking now. Asks a question, and Montalvan is answering.

OK, he's saying the surge is a horrible idea. This is the same man who at WSI said he told his superiors they needed MANY more people. I think Montalvan really has lost it.

Now he says that withdrawing will cause huge loss of life, but we need to do it anyway to save money and because we have no plan. A withdrawal would force the hand of tribal leaders to sort it out on their own, even though there will be huge deaths. We should guard the borders! (Hell yeah! Oh wait, he meant Iraqi borders. damn.)

Of course Montalvan's policy position conflicts directly with IVAWs, so Kokesh is leaping in to do damage control.

Ellison now asking about Iran. Says the Iraqi's love Iran, and Mahmood the Madman was greeted with great cheers etc.

Kokesh says that Basra was fixed by the Iranians.

Ellison is telling story of going to Iraq and says "I'm not claiming some Hillary Clinton kinda thing."

And now Montalvan is saying that Iranians are attacking US troops in Iraq, but that that doesn't really deserve any sort of response militarily.

Now Sheila Jackson Lee with closing statement/question. Would you work with us in working to bring 100,000 people to the Mall? (Only if it has a Borders bookstore and a food court.) Montalvan agrees "in principle." Ugh.

Kokesh says only if there was substance to it, not just a show of anti-war force.

"James" (Gilligan?) is flying a flag upside down, and calls for impeachment, everyone claps.

Lee wants to know if they would submit documents under oath. "Absolutely yes" from everyone. Yeay! We got our wish. Unfortunately, none of their stories ranks even a cursory review, although I would want that one guy's XO to speak up.

MILLARD is making closing comments
1) Immediate withdrawal, Congress needs to do so today, stop funding the killing of our troops.
2) Care for our veterans by passing GI Bill
3) Reparations for Iraqis, he is confident that the CPC will make it happen to save the soul of America.

Will Congress save us? (By throwing me a life boat so I can row out of this tsunami of crap.)

(Here's the asshat who is refusing deployment, Matthis Chiroux)

Montalvan is now offering a tour of the "mean streets of Iraq" (I shi'ite you not.)

And thus it ends, not with a bang, but with a simper(ing jackass).