What females [bloggers] want, and why TSO will allways be single

A deep and profound thanks to the Conservative Grapevine for putting our dopey little blog in the limelght.

OK, as I mentioned below, my friend Kit did this interview thing with Right Wing News of interviews with Conservative Hottie Bloggers. So, here are some pics and snippets, but you should go read it. My comments, as usual, in red.

Skye, Midnight Blue, Flopping Aces.

Pet Peeves: Definitely arrogance. If you're accomplished in your field, you realy don't brag about it. If you're bragging about what you've accomplished and aren't listening to a word I'm saying, I will probably just withdraw from the converation and let you speak... [Is asshattery really a field? Because if not, I'm kinda screwed. Were I not so abhorrent/Quasimodo looking, I would claim I am a mute with this girl, but I'm thinking that won't work. My list of accomplishments wouldn't last long enough to even warrant speech. "Um....I once played Ghost Recon for 12 hours straight on my X-Box, and no one reads my blog..."]

Good First Date: Pretty good idea: a date hike somewhere, whitewater rafting, walking around an art museum. These are ways you can really tease out the character of the person you're getting to know. The worst date is dinner and a movie. That's so standard. ...It's almost an instinctual reaction. There's no thought behind it. ...With someone you've just met, you hardly know this person and you're going to pretend that you like this when you really don't. ...If, right after this interview, I walked out and met some guy and he asked me to dinner and a movie, I'd probably turn him down. [Hiking, check. Rafting, check. Art Museum, Houston, we have a problem. Look, I rank this girl in my top 3 of hot bloggers, but it would take the top 10, and a team of Budweiser Clydesdales to drag me into an art museum. Seriously. As far as I can tell though, the only 2 things keeping Skye from being ranked #1 is that she lives in Philly (wretched hive of scum and villany) and she likes Bellavia. I just can't compete with that. Even married Bells has better dating potential than I do.]

OK, Next up is Kit, who I am deathly afraid of (read: redhead) and skipping, atleast for now.

Then, L.A. Holmes, who apparently blogs for FoxNews.

Good First Date: ...I saw from the last article that a lot of people said going to the movies was a bad idea for a first date. But, I think a movie selection is a hint about what sort of guy you're with. If he wants to go see the blood and guts gore movie, the shoot 'em movie, or one of the Oscar winners, you can get a better sense of what you're getting yourself into. Then, of course, it's two hours in the theater and you can think about what transpired before the date. If you had dinner and drinks, it gives you a chance to be together and not have to be "on." [Dude, I don't even know what is playing, so we have a problem here. Plus, let's be honest, I'm not getting date 2, and that is an incredible smile, so I'm going someplace well lit.]

So, I went to a Christmas party with a guy and it was your typical Christmas party with a bunch of young people. There was a Christmas tree, people wearing green and red, but there also was a keg outside. ...At some point during the night, he decided it would be appropriate to pour beer on my head. For whatever reason, I don't know why, but I decided not to go home right then and there. It was just kind of like, "Ok, I'll laugh it off." After the fact, I realized that was ridiculous, but the night progressed. Then we went out and we ran into his ex-girlfriend. She and I had some words and he actually decided that we were not going to speak any more because I didn't know how to get along with his ex-girlfriend, who he hadn't actually.... like dumped. [This is a Top 10 date. Seriously. I'm pretty retarded, but never once do I remember trying to douse my date in beer, well, at least externally. I'm all about trying to bring about liver failure in an effort to make me attractive, but unless beer has some properties I am unaware of, I believe it must be taken internally to have desired effect. And the whole ex-current thing, also awesome. If this dude had had a baby pool full of jello in his backyard and asked you women to handle your differences in the ring, I might have erected a statue of him in my front yard. Overall, chances of my getting a date with this girl, roughly equal to Reverend Wright joining Gathering of Eagles, Roger Clemens being completely vindicated, and Tom Cruise appearing on Oprah jumping up and down on the couch talking about his friend Seth.]

Bettina Inclan, blogger for GOP Congressman McCotter:

On Dating Dems: I dated this Democrat when I worked on the Bush campaign and he was working on the Kerry campaign. When we were working the campaigns, we really fought. Not "fought, fought," but it got so bad we had to stop. I remember one time that I told him, "I'm not going into your apartment until you put all those Kerry things away." [Ok, this has nothing to do with her yet, but seriously, is that just creepy or what? I mean sure, my love dungeon has photos of Bush everywhere as well, and a few blown up pictures of the Bush Daughters affixed to these gizmos that make then wave like a Christmas-time Santa, but Kerry stuff? That's just ghey.]

I think a lot of girls expect men to read their minds... they're not psychic, because if they were, the world would be a much different place. (The other things is women) analyze everything. ...We, in our heads, over-analyze everything that the guy did. The reason that he moved to the couch was because there was more room, not because he was trying to get away from you. [Ok, this girl is awesome. Seriously. Not only can we not read minds, we really don't have them most the time. We are just one evolutionary step away from monkeys or Yak. And if we did move to the couch, I just about guarantee you it was for a nefarious purpose. Mental Note: Schedule Meeting with Rep McCotter office in very near future, cause this girl is a cutie with some common sense.]

Moxie, blogs at Moxie.

[I haven't even read what she said yet, and this one is done. Look at her! A blond with a thin upper lip? It's like giving Superman a kryptonite enema. Seriously, I hope this girl liked "Of Mice and Men" because I'd turn into Lenny in about 2 seconds. Either him or that "I will love her and pet her and call her George" cartoon guy.]

Sure, I've tried online dating. And shockingly, I met a lot of liberals in Los Angeles! Imagine that. Some were actually nice, but not the American ones. The best was this liberal English bloke from eHarmony who called me his "favorite conservative." Of course he eventually vanished. I was heartbroken to find out he was too polite to tell me -- he downgraded to a liberal woman -- with cankles and purple contacts. Obviously, she must have an unusually wonderful personality. That said, I've met a few great conservative men through online dating. And while the chemistry was not there (or the timing was off), with at least one we keep in touch, talk about politics, our cats and his new girlfriend. [Why is this girl online dating? Why is there no oversight commitee looking into this. I know the those eHarmony things aren't tests, but if someone gets me the correct answers to get a date with Moxie, I'll give you everything I have. Which admittedly isn't crap. Unless you really like '94 Jeep Wranglers that leak. I hate cats, and new girlfriends are ruled out. And I'm willing to move to Los Angeles. And live on a heating grate. And that liberal English bloke clearly is a homo. Or, more likely, Janet Reno in disguise on the net.]

Worst Dates: My more run-of-the-mill dating horror stories involve a man who turned out to be "happily" married, a life-long Scientologist, a guy who was romantically in love with his biological sister, a stalker, a psychopath and several of your average drunken jerks. [I don't even know what to say. I can be all those things and more, if only I was married, had a sister and believed that Xenu and his space cruisers were real. But, I promise to be just as nuts as those dudes, just give me a chance baby! But Seriously: No way I could compete with that, that is a primo dating history.]

Megan McArdle, blogs at The Atlantic:

[Let's start off with the obvious disclosure. She's Scots-Irish, a redhead, and according to the bio thing, she's 6'-2". I'm scared just blogging from my Attila the Celt chair. Seriously, she's a knockout, but if Cheney's Haliburton minnions woke me in the middle of the night and waterboarded me, my heartrate would never exceed what it would if I talked to this girl.]

Worst Date: It was a blind date...we went to....an Irish place -- and God, I hope my father never listens to this. So, we got to this place and he tried to order me a Budweiser and I was like, "I don't really like beer." So, he ordered me a glass of the house white wine. Then the waitress came and while I was looking at the menu, she said, "Do you want an appetizer?" He said, "Yes, we'll have the bangers and mash." ...If you don't know, that's basically sausage and mashed potatoes. He ordered it and had several more beers and I nursed my glass of white wine while we waited for the food. The food came, I started to eat it, and after the first bite, and he actually made a joke about women eating sausage that made me not able to eat any more food. Also, as he drank more, he started trying to grab my knee under the table -- I'd known him now for an hour and a half.... I was so mad at this point because he was like a hydra. I'd slap one hand away and four more would grow in its place. [I swear I don't remember this date, but I am truly sorry. I get a little of the Irish Courage in me and suddenly become Vishnu. No Wait! He ordered a Bud for you? In an Irish Pub? This dude deserves adult circumcision, right at the base. Who in the hell orders Bud in an Irish Pub? Who knows, but vindication for me!]

Then we got up to leave and we walked outside and he was like, "Would you like to come back to my place for a nightcap?" ...It was around 8 o'clock at night. I was like, "First of all, it's 8 o'clock and my night's not quite capped. Second of all, I wouldn't go back to your apartment because I just met you." ....Then he looked at me and said, "Well then, how are you planning to pay for dinner?" I am no longer friends with the person who set me up on this blind date. So, I was just stunned. I was 23 years old and it had just never occurred to me that anyone would say anything like this ....I said, "First of all, I cannot be bought and second of all, if I could, it would not be for Bangers and Mash and a glass of white wine." Then I grabbed all the money I had in my purse, threw it at him, and hailed a cab. Then I realized I had no money to pay the cab. (Laughs) So, I explained to the cab driver what happened, I went into my building to get some money, and when I came back out he said, "Don't worry about it" and waved and drove away. [Ok, this guy must be the biggest arse ever. Seriously. I like the effort though. I mean, anyone who can even attempt to close at 8pm is a veteran plumber, or an idiot. I NEVER try to close before 2 am, or the girl is demonstrably over a .20 BAC. Megan, I guarantee you a date not nearly this bad. And I will pay. Probably in nickels, but I swear I will pay. And you won't need to have Sausage and potatoes or Bud. You, me, a big plate of Haggis, and some Guinness. And your dad need never know.]

Wow, I use "Seriously" like 400 times in this screed. I'm not sure if I was afraid you thought I wasn't being serious, or if somehow I am channeling Jimmy from South Park. Could be we look a lot alike, only my head is way way bigger. Like Rosie O'Donnells.